Family Day Oh Happy Day

Today was a really good day for David! He was pretty much back to his old self pre surgery. When the kids and I got there around 2pm he was just getting up into the wheelchair for a walk/ride. He was excited that we were there and that we could join him on his walk. We took a long walk all around the campus, the gardens, down to the CCU to see if there was anyone there that we knew, he got out of the chair at the gardens and walked around a bunch. We all sat down on the benches at the gardens and just visited and hung out. He tickled his brother and sister and made them laugh, plus gave them a hard time as usual. The smile that lit up his face when they wheeled him out of the ICU and he saw John and Claire was out of this world, I haven't seen that smile in weeks.

He stuck to the deal we made yesterday and he got up and walked 4 times today! I am so proud of him! He said he is feeling a lot better, he is eating and moving around that does a lot for a person. He is still having one little problem and I can't say what it is over the Internet because I promised I wouldn't, but if you all think about it you will catch on. So pray about that because we have to get that moving because it is so uncomfortable for him. They have him off of one med totally and they are weaning him off the epi which is what we need to be off of before we leave the ICU. So our goal of Wends. seems very realistic! YEAH!

One more thing, I have some emails regarding a phone number for Dave. Since he is still in the ICU there isn't a phone in there and cell phones aren't allowed in that room either. I promise that once we get back in our private room (hopefully this week!) we will post the new # on the blog so that you have it! I know a lot of you are anxious to hear his voice and we appreciate that! But also please keep in mind that he will still be recovering and will not be able to endure long phone conversations or alot of calls.

Struggles and Answered Prayers

Something that I have found really hard for me to deal with is that when I go home on the weekends I tend to be hypersensitive to the kids and their typical kid stuff. I know it is because a) I am gone from them all week and not around it as much and also b) my patience is just gone, all of my energy is used up and I am just spent. I feel so badly about the way I feel when I get home and so all week I have just been praying for the Lord to give me a gentle heart and loving hand with the little ones when they got here last night. I really didn't want to feel anything but love and happiness when around them. Oh we have such a gracious God, because that is just what I felt. They got here about 6:30 pm last night and I just swallowed them all up in hugs and love. We went out for a yummy dinner and then just had a fun family night with each other catching up on the week and I just loved every minute of it.

This morning while Doug was in the shower, little Claire crawled into bed with me and snuggled up to me and I was so grateful for this weekend and the joy I was feeling and how lucky I am that God does answer prayers. We are sitting here right now in the hotel room, Doug is at the hospital room with Dave (we are joining him after lunch) and there is nothing but peace in here right now. We have such a gracious Lord and I am so happy for that, he gives us what we need when we need it.

February 27th, 2009

Much better day today! He was in such better spirits over all, I was so glad to see that when I came in this morning. He only took one nap all day long and he went on 3 walks today and got outside in the wheelchair once as well. On the wheel chair excursion we took him out to the gardens and also to listen to a beautiful violin quartet that was playing in the atrium today. He was pretty impressed with both items. He said he was impressed with the music because the musicians were only about junior high age and they were awesome and he loved the way the gardens smelled when we walked out there. I am sure he will sleep well tonight, since he didn't nap much during the day and he had a big day overall. When I left he was almost his old self, giving me a hard time and sitting up watching TV. I even made him check his email today while sitting up in a chair (I was really trying to distract him while he was in the chair because he had to sit in the chair for at least 30 min and he was whining about it).

The doctors came in today and gave him a goal of Wednesday to be moved out of the ICU, they know he can do it and so we have to push him to make that goal. He has to get up and get moving around so that the blood flow starts moving so that the heart doesn't get sluggish, I think he got that today. So I told him tomorrow we will get up 4 times and walk, Sunday 6 times, Monday 8 times, and Tuesday 10 times. It is good to have goals, it is what makes us feel accomplished in life!

Julie, our treasured head nurse, suggested that we bring the little kids up this weekend to help cheer him up. So Doug is on his way here with them right now, we will have a family weekend together. He told me he was excited to see them and Julie arranged a way for the kids to be able to visit with him off and on throughout the weekend. She really thought it would be good for him and so did the social worker. It is hard to be in the hospital and away from your family unit, so this will help us all be together this weekend even if it is just for a little bit at a time. So they should be here any minute. I am looking forward to seeing them all. I miss the little ones so very much and all that they are doing, but I really miss my husband. He is my very best friend and he is such a good daddy. He and I really don't do well apart, we never have, so this is really been hard on us. Out of everyone in the world he is the one person I rely on the most and vice versa, I don't know what I would do without him, he is the ultimate person, my best friend, confidante, lover, companion, and more. I can't wait to see him.

Pet Therapy Pictures

Thank you to whoever posted the instructions on how to get my pics off my phone! I have an adapter at home that Doug was going to bring to me, but once I read the comment I actually figured it out!! Isn't this dog so cute!! And Dave actually looked happy for a few minutes that was the best part!

A Special Visitor and Special Thanks

I just have to say that the care that we have received while at Stanford has been out of this world. It has been like nothing I have ever seen before in the health care field, and I have been in 5 different hospitals in my lifetime. While we were down in the CCU before the pump surgery the staff was incredible, they would always stop me in the hallway and ask how I was doing, or they would just all take turns popping in on Dave and checking on him. Our social worker comes in at least once a day just to make sure we are all holding up all right and to let us know that she is there for us in any capacity. And now that we are up in the ICU the staff is even better then down in the CCU. Most of the nurses let me sit by Dave's bedside all day, they all know me by name and stop me in the hallway, they have asked for the website address, and even pray for him at their own bible studies. Every single one of them have gone beyond the call of duty to make Dave more comfortable and more at ease with his situation. They all have taken a special interest in him and us as a family, and I can't begin to tell you how that makes me feel as a mother and as a person.

Today they did something incredible, a couple of nurses came up with the idea of bringing in the "Pet Therapy" team to cheer Dave up. The team consists of whatever pet they have "on call" that day. Today just happened to be a Wheatland Terrier by the name of Crystal. Oh my gosh she was so cute and so sweet. They put her up on the bed with Dave and she just cuddled up with him and gave him lots of kisses and love. He smiled like I haven't seen him smile in a long time. I do have pictures but they are on my cell phone, it was the one day I didn't bring my camera in the room! So as soon as I figure out how to get the pictures off of my phone I will get them up on the blog. It was so great to have that little break in the day and something different happen for him, even if it was only for a few minutes it was still such a nice thing for him to have today.

Thank you Kiana, Sarah, Julie, and Dorothy for putting this together today you made this mom a happy mom. He was having a rough afternoon, as you all know, and even if we only saw that smile for a little bit it was worth it to me and I have you 4 wonderful women to thank for that. You are beautiful, terrific, outstanding women, thank you for making life a little bit easier for all of us. XOXO

Tough Love

Yesterday afternoon was one of the hardest days of my journey with Dave. As I have stated before he is sliding into a pretty deep depression, or "adjustment period" as some of the therapist's around here put it. So we had a meeting of minds around here between our social worker, head nurse, day shift nurse, and I. They asked me how I felt about tough love with Dave because all he wants to do is sleep and not talk to anyone or do anything. I told them I felt quite comfortable with it even though I knew it would be difficult and he might be hard on me, but in the end it would be worth it. So we decided that the head nurse would come in at 4pm to take him out for a stroll in the wheel chair outside at 4pm whether he liked it or not. Here is the story how that took place....

I walked up to Davids bed at 3:45 and woke him up and told him he needed to wake up for his wheelchair ride he responded with, "no, I don't feel good I am not going anywhere today, maybe tomorrow." I then told him, "sorry that isn't an option you need to wake up." He then responded with, "go away I don't feel good." I then responded with, "you need to get up it isn't an option it is doctors orders." We went back and forth like this for about 5 min and then finally I said, "Regardless you need to sit up so I can change your dressing it's that time anyway." He knew he couldn't argue with me on that, so he woke up and sat up and let me change his dressing, then he was wide awake after that.

At this point the day shift nurse comes in (who we love by the way) and she says to him, "Dave do you want to walk or sit in a chair before your wheelchair outing?" He responds with, "neither I am going to stay in the bed." We then both respond with, "that's not an option, you have to choose one." He then says to us, " I'd like to see you try and get me out of this bed." We then both tell him we know exactly how much he weighs and we would have no problem getting him out of bed on our own. At that point he relented to sitting in the chair beside the bed until the head nurse came to get him for his wheel chair ride. See, our whole point was to get him out of this ICU room so he could get fresh scenery and maybe some fresh air too lift his spirits.

At this point the head nurse comes in and after a good 15 min of getting him situation in the wheel chair we take him on a ride downstairs and outside, he admitted it was nice to feel the air on his face and to breath in some fresh air. Then we took him to the CCU unit which is where he was before the surgery. The nurses and doctors down there were so happy to see him, they all gushed over him and hugged him, and some even started to cry they were so happy to see him. It really did lift his spirits, I could tell by the look on his face. Once we got him upstairs he admitted to us that once we got him going, "it wasn't all that bad."

So when it comes down to it, I can be tough when I need to be, and I am sure I will need to be a lot more in the days to come. But over all the day ended in a victory yesterday, just baby steps every day. I am so thankful for the support team that we have here, everyone is willing to help us in any way they can and I am in total awe over that.

A Couple of Things

Dear Father in Heaven I lift up my son David today, he is hurting mentally today Father, hurting so bad that it is tough to look at him. His hurt is so deep, he is really starting to question why Father, why him and why he is not getting better. He is miserable, he is starting to doubt his reason for still being here, his spirits are failing and I have tried everything. He knows you and loves you my Lord and wants you to help him but he is so tired my Father. His depression is getting deep Father and I need you to touch him the way that only you can my Lord. Place your loving arms around him my Lord and love him the way I know that you love all of us, let him know that you are there and you will not leave him during this time. That he can yell and scream at you and you can take it. He needs you right now my dear Father in Heaven. In your precious son's name. Amen.

Dear friends, David is really struggling mentally. This ordeal is really starting to weigh on him and it is hard to watch. I am no longer going to push the positive on him because honestly he knows all of that and that isn't what he needs right now. He needs time to be angry and to be depressed but I pray that it quickly passes and that he relys on the Lord during this time. I feel so badly for him because honestly no 19 year old should ever have to go through what he is going through and what he has had to go through. He is having a hard time accepting and dealing with how sick he really is because up until the last week he never really felt sick, he was really sick but he never really felt as sick as he really was. Now everyday he throws up every 30-45 min, he sleeps every 20 min off and on, and he just doesn't feel good. This is not something he is used to, and this is all hard for him to accept and deal with. He is totally done with all of this, and I can't blame him one bit.

Also, several people have called me and emailed me questioning our decision about the "no visitors". I have to respect David's decision about this, and it isn't anything personal about one person, he just doesn't feel good. I think my friend Monica summed it up really well last night on the phone with me. She said, "until you see him in person you don't really realize how sick he really is". It is one thing to puke your guts out in front of your mom and even your grandma, it is another thing to puke in front of your friends. Please respect his decision and realize that he is going through a really tough time right now. He loves everyone, we all do, and none of us could be going through any of this without you, but he needs some time to be sad and to deal with this.

Visitors

David and I were just talking about all the people that still want to come and see him and he took a big deep breath in and made a decision. He has requested that there be no more visitors except family until after the transplant. He is feeling very down in the dumps and he just doesn't like people seeing him like this. I am hoping that you will all respect this decision and who knows he may change his mind in a week or two but for now this is how he feels.

Thank you!

February 24th, 2009

We are back on the list! YEAH! We aren't at the highest status yet, but we are back on the list!! I am so happy! Dave is happy, but he is sinking into a very understandable depression. He either sleeps all day or sits and stares at the wall or ceiling. It is hard to comprehend what he must be thinking or feeling, we all know how we feel, but for him it has to be so much worse. I really hope that the Lord provides a new heart soon so that we can go onto the next phase of our journey and Dave can see that their is light at the end of this incredible journey. He is such an incredible warrior for Christ and the enemy will try and attack him during this very vulnerable time, we can't let that happen. Please continue to pray for his strength and courage during this time, he really needs it.

My mom and Monica left this morning, it was so hard to say goodbye to them. It was so fun hanging out with them at night, staying up late and chatting and just really releasing with them. Even just having them here during the day with me at the hospital was a very nice change of pace for me! Someone other then the nurses to chat with was incredible! It was hard to say goodbye because there is just something about having your mom around during a time like this and the visit went by incredibly fast.

Dave got a very special gift in the mail today from his ship mates. They sent him an enlarged picture of the USS Boxer with everyone's signature and get well wishes and then they had made a DVD that was about 30 min long that had about 20 people on it individually wishing him their wishes and prayers, including the chaplain, XO, and Chiefs. It was an incredibly special gift and the nurse and I were both crying as we were watching it, they all had incredible things to say about Dave and I will hold that DVD in my heart forever.

He has been very sick to his stomach all day today, getting nauseous and vomiting every time he sits up or tries to stand. It has been hard for him and discouraging for all of us. There really isn't any rhyme or reason to it at all. He doesn't feel hungry at all and he really doesn't want to eat in fear of throwing it all up. Please pray for his stomach to settle down so that he can feel a little less yucky.

For those of you who don't know he has regained function on his right side entirely now and his speech is totally back to normal! PRAISE GOD! It was such a blessing to walk in the room on Sat morning and notice that, I was so relieved and I know he was as well.

February 23rd, 2009

I haven't had access to a computer for the last 3 days so I haven't been able to blog! Plus we have had SOOOO many visitors! So I guess I will blog about the visitors first!

On Friday David got a surprise visit from a friend and pastor of ours from Tehachapi, Brandon Kirby. Brandon stayed throughout the whole weekend and visited a lot with Dave on and off. Also on Friday Doug's mother Estelle and her sister Suzanne made the trip up from Southern California for the weekend to visit with David as well.

Then on Saturday he had a very big surprise that I kept from him ( I am so proud of myself!!) a group of Varsity kids from the AWANA group in Tehachapi who Dave hung out with in high school drove up and surprised him. They were in Livermore for a competition and since they were so close I couldn't say no to their request to come and see Dave. So late Sat night the following people drove over and saw him; Chris and Elliot Uribe, Ryan Epstien, Tori Epstien, Charlotte Karnes, Cody Watson, and Jill and Janee DeHart. They each only got to see him for a few minutes, but David was very surprised to see all of his friends and it cheered him up a bit. It was a late evening for him but it was a good end to the evening.

Then on Sunday our old friends that we have known forever, Kurt and Sondra Keckley, drove up from Bakersfield to spend some time with Dave. It was good to catch up with them and Dave really enjoyed seeing Kurt, Sondra too:) But Kurt was around when Dave was really little and it was nice that they came. Then late Sunday afternoon Monica LaMonte and my mom drove up from Tehachapi to stay with me for 3 days, and it has been wonderful having them here! Then as a bonus surprise my Uncle Greg and Aunt Dorothy showed up today out of the blue for a quick visit, they were up in Chico visiting other relatives so on the way back to Bakersfield they popped in to say hello and to pray with Dave and us.

Now as for Dave's overall health, he is basically the same. His liver numbers are going down, but they still have a long ways to go. We are hoping to be moved out of the ICU sometime this week and hope to be back on the heart transplant this week as well. He had a small "personal" problem this week, and I promised I wouldn't go into detail on the blog about it, but that was frustrating for him and he just wants to get better. He is so tired of being in the hospital and it is getting to be an "old scene" for him. He is ready to move on to the next stage but his body is just not cooperating. Please pray for his peace of mind and relaxation. He has been getting up and walking around and that is a good thing for him and will help him heal much faster.

I had to learn how to change his pump tube dressing today, that is now my new job. Lucky me! I told him that he was pretty lucky I was willing to learn how to do that since I wouldn't even help pull his teeth when he was younger! It actually wasn't all that bad, thankfully the nurses were incredibly patient with teaching me.

All in all we are slowly making progress... we can feel all the prayers that each one of you are sending and we are truly amazed how quickly his story is spreading.

Februaury 20th, 2009

Doug got a call early this morning while he was on the way to Stanford from Davids nurse, apparently his was fine but he wanted to make sure he got a hold of his dad to tell him to please pick up a new PSP game and some iced tea! Someone was feeling better I would say! Doug got there in record time, but when he did Dave had just gotten sick again and was starting to feel lousy today, he also had some VTAC this morning, so we are just waiting to hear what the doctors say about that.

On another interesting note our friend Randy gave us an interesting tidbit last night. Apparently Dennis Miller, the comedian, has his own nationally sydicated radio show and Randy belongs to the forums on the web for that show. Well last week Randy posted Daves story on the forum as a prayer request, and what do you know Dennis Miller himself talked about Dave on his program last Friday and asked everyone out there to pray for him. He also said that he himself was going to go down to his church that afternoon and light a candle for Dave. I was so shocked, God is working wonders here and thanks to Randy and Mr. Miller Daves story is out there for even more people to know about and pray for us.

February 19th, 2009

I am sitting at home listening to my kids fight over a pencil and as stressful as that sounds to all of you it sounds peacefully normal to me and that is what I need right now! NORMAL! I left Stanford today around noon and got home in time to get my kids from Apryl's around 3pm. It was wonderful timing as Angelia was there as well and the three of us got a chance to catch up on some girl time. Tomorrow I will get to take and pick my kids up from school, something that I have been painfully missing.

Dave was doing ok today, pretty much the same as yesterday. His liver numbers are going down so that was a good thing! He did go into VTAC a couple of times today and so they adjusted his meds a bit and are going to just watch it for a bit. He was sick to his stomach again today for a little while so they will keep an eye on that as well.

Our good friend Randy Weidner drove in today from Las Vegas and sat with Dave for awhile after I left. He has been a big part in Davids life since he was a little baby and Dave was very excited to see him. David doesn't know it yet but he is getting surprise visitors tomorrow and then a load of people throughout the weekend. I really hope all of this is going to help him feel stronger and help his body and mind get better.

As for us, we are going to relish in the time we have together tonight just the 4 of us. Randy is going to drive over this way tonight and it will be fun catching up with him for a bit as well. We got a restaurant gift card in the mail so I think we may just use that tonight and treat ourselves to a relaxing evening.

February 18th, 2009 Oh Happy Day

Last night the doctors determined that Dave went into slight liver failure, his liver was already teetering before the surgery so they weren't all that surprised. This is happening because the right side of the heart isn't pumping like it should so the liver isn't getting good blood flow. They upped a dose of one of his meds, started another med, and then put him on full oxygen and nitrous oxide through the nose. This is helping that right side work a little better and is helping the blood flow to the liver. So far today the liver is maintaining, it is not getting better or worse. He is feeling better today in the way of nauseous and such, they determined that was mostly because the liver was starting to fail. His new pain med is really working for him and he is getting really good sleep today as well, he has slept most of the day which is really good. Physical therapy came in today and got him out of bed and sitting in a chair for a bit as well, all of which are good things and will help him heal faster.

My sister Sarah came for a visit today, and since Dave slept through almost all of her visit we got a chance to sit and catch up, something I really enjoyed. I know he knew she was here and that will be great for him and I know she just really wanted to lay her eyes on him. While she was here one of the doctors came in and informed us that Dave can go back on the transplant list as soon as his liver starts functioning better! PRAISE GOD! Even if he is still in ICU they will put him back on the list. Prayers for good liver function please so that our heart can get to us faster!

He also got more mail today, cards and such as well as a book from friends of his grandparents, a box of goodies from Jacque, and a huge box from Grandma Deb. THANKS TO ALL OF YOU!

I know that the Lord has not given him the heart yet because the keeper of the heart still has work to do, this is the only thing that is keeping me sane right now. I keep thinking of this person and wondering what work do they have left to do? Is it to make his marriage right, does he need to ask for Christ to come into his life, does he have unsolved issues with his family, or is it simply that he hasn't smiled and said something nice to that one person he was destined to meet? All of these questions keep going through my head, knowing that someone is out there, unknowingly going to save my son's life. We have such a wonderful God that he can make miracles such as these happen. Once again I am on my knees praying for that family that is going to have such a tragedy happen, and that they may be comforted in knowing they are saving some ones life through their pain.

Lord, I ask you today to please give David the comfort of your love and the strength to heal right now. His attitude became so much better when the doctor delivered those words today, I know that you will provide for his liver and give it the strength to heal. In your precious name, Amen.

Some Progress.....

I don't know if I will post again today, as I am getting tired and I just left Dave's side so he can take a nap. I will probably only stay until 5pm or so tonight because he really needs rest and I am hoping he gets a lot today.

The adjustments they made to the meds and other things seem to be working really well, he hasn't had any problems with his heart rate and such since this morning. So it seems that is all under control at this point. Other then that he is really loopy and sick to his stomach, and I know that is from the constant dose of pain meds. I remember the feeling he is describing quite well from my surgery last Oct and it is exactly how I felt on day 3 of the same meds that he is on. I keep telling him to hang in there and that feeling will pass, but it is so hard for him because he has never had to be on anything like this so it is hard for him to comprehend. His speech is the same today as yesterday, maybe a bit worse because of the pain meds. He will make strength progress I am sure everyday.

Something that the social worker told me today that I never thought of before is this. Dave has been seriously ill since this has all began, but for the last 4 weeks he hasn't really felt ill, with the exception of a few days here and there. So this has got to be tough on his mind and body to finally feel ill and finally need help and to show weakness. He doesn't like that and he doesn't like feeling this way, and she really put that into perspective for me.

Unless something major happens today I will sign off saying TTFN!!

Step Backward Today

It is about 11:30 and I have been in the room with Dave for about an hour and a half so far, the nurse is allowing me to stay for a longer period today because he is not doing well. He is really sick to his stomach today and has been vomiting of and on and you can imagine the pain that is causing him with his incision.

When they inserted the pump they put it in the left ventricle because that was the sluggish side, the right side seemed to be doing better then the left through this whole ordeal. This morning very early the right side seemed to like having the "pressure" off itself, if you will, and so it decided to simply start giving up functioning on its own. The pump on the left side is keeping the blood flowing so that is a good thing, but the right side is not performing well at all. Dave has been in VTAC and in Sinus Rhythm several times throughout the morning due to that right side. The doctors have been trying to control this with more medication and they are adjusting his electrolytes as well. They also turned down the pump flow to see if that will help as well.

Yesterday they took about a liter of fluid off and that can also have an effect on his body as well, so we are just hoping he turns around the bend soon.

Promises

As I was pulling out of the hotel parking lot this morning I looked to my left and there was the biggest rainbow I have ever seen, and it was complete at that! I paused for a moment and took a deep breath because I knew that the Lord sent me that rainbow this morning. I was reminded of all the promises he has made to us and the many ways he has already kept those promises in my life. He has said that he will never leave me or forsake me, and I was once again reminded of that this morning. That rainbow was a sign to me that he is still here, right beside me every day, I can feel him next to me in all that I do.

Doug wanted me to do a little update on Dave and what is going on "medically" right now. Yesterday he had part of the central line pulled out, he still has some tubes going in to that side of his neck, but it was a good thing that they pulled part of it out. They had originally told us it might have to stay in for up to a week. He also had to have another line put in on the other side of his neck during the surgery, but they pulled that out yesterday as well. He also got one of the chest tubes pulled out, and that usually doesn't happen for a few days after surgery. He is hoping for the other one to come out today as well as the catheter, but we will have to see.

He started retaining some fluid yesterday and he described it as just like the way he felt before going to Hawaii, so they started him up on the Lasik drip once again, but the docs say that is quite normal after that surgery. The pump is working at a 30% efficiency right now and that is great! His heart rate is still in the 100's but they do have him on an epinephrine drip as well as the Dopamine still and that will increase his heart rate for a bit. Those will eventually be taken off as the pump does its job.

As soon as he gets booted from the ICU he will be put back on the transplant list as a 1a status for a month, but after that month he will be bumped to a 1b. We are really praying for a heart in that month's time. His release from the ICU all depends on how fast he recovers, but we are all confident that it will be by this weekend.

I am excited to see him this morning and see the progress he has made over night, I have great faith that it will be significant. I have to wait until 10am before they will let me go back there and see him, I'll tell you what those ICU nurses are nice but man they mean business!

A long day, but a good day

As I said in my previous post Dave was much better today, the speech people came in and he showed excellent improvement in swallowing so they went ahead and are allowing him to have thin liquids and very soft foods, he was so happy to hear it and instantly wanted a soda, he didn't care what kind, he was just craving a soda. Doug and the kids left around 2pm and I was sad to see them go, it was nice having them around all weekend, but the Lord will give us all the strength to get through this, I know. When I went in to see Dave for the last visit of the day, they had him set up and dangle his feet they also had him stand up straight. While he was doing this he asked the nurse if he could try and take a few steps and he did! He went forward and backward a couple of times before getting too tired. That was great progress for the day and we were all excited about that. The doctors did confirm that David had a very minor stroke, but they expect 100% recovery.

Dave got MANY cards again today we thank you for that! He also got a fair amount of packages as well, one from his friend Amanda that had a sweet card and little bear in it. Grandma Vicky sent a set of Far Side books that he is looking forward to reading once he gets out of the ICU and Michelle J- thank you so much for all the wonderful goodies you sent to not only Dave but to all of us! The kids loved all of it and so did I! You and Lauren are toooo sweet to us!

He had some special visitors today, Kevin Boesler drove down and spent a good deal of time alone with David and I am really glad they did. David needed to hear from someone else that God is by his side during this time and Kevin has always given Dave the strength he has needed. After that my brother Ricky drove down to spend some time by his side, and that was a visit that really lifted David's spirit. He and Rick are very close and it was so special to me that Rick took the time to come and do that today, I know it really made Dave's day. He was pretty tired out when I left him and he was quickly fading into a drug induced sleep. He ate a little and drank a fair amount today, which leads me to believe tomorrow will be even better!

As for me, I had to do laundry for myself when I came back to the hotel room, alas these chores that still have to be done during all of this. I was never so happy as to see the leftover pizza that Lacey, Lora, and I shared on Saturday night. It really hit the spot! I am now going to get ready to turn the laundry to the dryer, pour me a big glass of wonderful red wine (more leftovers from Sat night) and finally relax with the TV after these very emotional few days. Isn't it amazing how God takes us off the roller coaster and gives you the quiet just when you need it the most? That is how I feel right now, the ride has paused for a moment and I am catching my breath before I get back on.

February 16th, 2009

My dear Father in Heaven I praise you this morning, I praise you for the gift of life and for my precious son. Father you have shown us how much you really do love us through David and I am so grateful for your unfailing love, it means so much to me. You are the way, the truth, and the life and I am so glad to know and love you like I do. In your name Amen.

I just had to make a public prayer of thanks today so that all of you can pray my prayer with me. When we got here today the doctors told us that he was doing much better today, but I wasn't going to believe it until I saw it. And then I saw him, and he is doing soooo much better!! His right side is so much stronger, he was using his right arm to pull himself up and had good function in that side. His speech is MUCH better, he still has some facial paralysis and he does have some speech problems still, but it is almost 100% better then yesterday. His thoughts are coming quickly and he is forming words without any problem. He looks better overall, PRAISE GOD.

This whole experience has taught me so much about my son and myself, I know deep in my heart that the Lord is using this to teach me those things, that is just one of the many reasons. It has proven to me without a doubt that the Lord is there for us through all things, all of the time and he is in control- I AM NOT. For those of you who don't know me, I am the biggest control freak out there, and this experience has taught me if nothing else to give up that control and rely solely on the Lord. My faith and love for the Lord is so much stronger today then any other time in my life. My love for my boy has become stronger and the bond that he and I share now is so great. I fell to my knees when the surgeon told us that when Dave could speak again his first words were "How is my mom?" I was astonished that his love for me was so great and verbalized. The Lord is doing mighty things through this whole ordeal, and these that I have mentioned are just a few.

February 15th, 2009- After the surgery

For those of you who do not know, David woke up from the anesthia with some slight brain damage today. When he first woke up in the early hours of the morning he could not speak and had no function on the right side of his body. As the morning wore on he did regain SOME function of his right side and he did get his speech back, but it is VERY slurred and hard to understand. He also has some efacia (the droopy mouth and face look that stroke victims have). His muscles in his throat aren't working as well so he doesn't have the capability to swallow or a gag reflex. He has been very low all day and very discouraged, the pain is unbearable from the surgery. One thing that is a blessing is he has total brain function as far as understanding, forming thoughts and memory. It was an incredibly hard day for us all, he just looks really bad and his spirits aren't that great.

I have to say as we were leaving him today his right side was for sure stronger then he had this morning. The morphine that he is on is making him really out of it and he has a hard time getting words out because of that and the damage from the surgery. The doctors really believe that the effects will ease in time, but it will be awhile. They do not think it will be permanent, we are praying for that. This is not very common after this type of surgery, and it took all of the doctors by surprise. It could have happened for different reasons, some being that he did go into arrest for a small period of time, he could of had a blood clot that went to the brain, or a air pocket during surgery that floated to the brain.

Some of you have read on the pump website that it is possible for the heart to repair itself while on the pump, while this is true the doctors do not think that David has a chance with that because his heart is so damaged.

More tomorrow...... we are all very tired and we are just praying for patience and peace right now, but most of all for comfort for our boy. He was highly emotional today and just very upset in general.

Surgery Today for the Pump

This morning when we got to Dave he was not well at all, he told us he knew that his body was shutting down, he had been up all night sick and just not feeling right. That terrible feeling carried on all morning until they took him up for surgery at 2pm. It was not good, it was as bad or worse as he had been in Hawaii, and this time he was on 3 different meds for his heart.

The surgery started at about 3:30 and they finished up in record time at 5:30, I was very blessed to have two of my oldest and dearest friends by our side that whole time. My girlfriends Lacey and Lora, who both live in Bakersfield, made the drive up here this morning to hold our hands and be our support group during the surgery and day after. I can't tell you what a blessing they were to us and the kids, God really knew what we needed and it was both of them.

The surgery went very well, David's heart did stop at one point in the surgery for about a minute and they had to hand pump his heart and do CPR but they got him back quickly. He did have to have a blood transfusion during the surgery, and when they got in there they saw his liver had started to fail so they did some repair work on that by giving him some plasma, they believe that will get the liver up and going again.

We got to see Dave at about 7pm, he of course was totally out of it and is still all tubed up but it was good to see him and be able to hold his hand and kiss him. It was a hard couple of moments when we were in there. The surgeon at that point told us that his heart had looked very bad and he more then likely wouldn't have survived after today if they hadn't of put in this pump. His heart was done and too "irritated" by all of the meds. One of the many miracles of today, I still can't believe how close we came to losing him.

Tomorrow we will go and visit for a little while, but he will still be pretty out of it. Also, just so you all know, he will be in a different room now so please don't call the old # and the hospital has asked that no one call the hospital looking for him until he is out of the ICU, probably a week or two. I will be sure to post the new # when we get it and then I know people will be anxious to talk to him.

For those of you who want to know what they put in him today take a look at this link:
http://www.jarvikheart.com/basic.asp?id=21

I will also put the link on the "links of interest" side bar of the blog.

Also, today I felt your prayers, it was the most awesome feeling I have ever felt. I honestly felt covered in prayer today. I have never felt that ever before, it was such a comforting blanket feeling. It is so hard to explain, I was at peace and felt just perfect. I felt them you guys, I know we had some mighty prayer warriors out there today and I know that is why he is still alive.

We are just beginning this long journey........

Not good news.... Pump it is

Ok, the surgeons and doctors just came in and told us that they aren't liking the numbers that they are seeing with the help of the central line, in other words David is quickly fading. So they went ahead and scheduled him to have the pump inserted tomorrow afternoon at 2pm. We are not happy about this at all, I myself am trying really hard not to get angry at this point. The surgery to insert this pump will take about 4 to 5 hours and then he will be in the ICU for up to 2 weeks. During that time he will be taken OFF of the transplant list so that he can recover. After he has recovered they will put him back on the list at the highest status for a month, if after a month we still don't have a transplant he will have to be bumped to the 2nd or 3rd lowest status and we will have to leave the hospital, but we won't be able to leave the area. We will have to continue to live near Stanford to wait for the heart.

I am now praying for a miracle in the next 24 hours, we need a heart before tomorrow at 2pm. I have been on my knees in the chapel begging with the Lord that his will be done. Please do the same.

A side note, he will only be allowed visitors in the ICU for 30 min every even hour, 2 at a time. Please take note of that if you are planning a visit.

David's Owie

MANY people have been asking me what a Central Line is, well it can be called many things, a central line, a PA line, and a SWAN line. They all mean the same, and it is really hard to explain, but I will try and do my best. It is a VERY large IV like line that they have stuck through a large vein in his neck that is the size of a pencil, the wires to this line (and there are several) go straight to his heart and they measure the pressures and output of his heart along with various other things, how much oxygen his blood is getting, how much fluid he is retaining, and even his body temp. It is very large and uncomfortable for him as all these wires exit his body through his neck and are hooked up to an extra IV stand on the side of his bed. I hope this kind of explains it, and if not we took pictures this morning so you could have a good visual of what is going on.

A Special Gift

One of my very best girlfriends, Lora White, has a little girl, Larissa, that is the same age as Claire. Larissa can't recall a time that Dave hasn't been around because we have been friends with her family for years and years, so she thinks of Dave as another big brother. She wanted to make him a build a bear that would make him feel better, how cute is that. Well, when they went to the store to make it they found the perfect bear, and when you look at these pictures you will see why. Dave was so thrilled with this gift when it arrived in the mail yesterday, he thought it was very cool and very special. It will be a great reminder of how wonderful of a support group he has and how even the little ones are thinking of him. Thanks you guys, this gift really came from the HEART.

No Phone Calls Please

Hi all, I leave the hospital between 6 and 7 pm, I am asking that no one call after that time tonight. He is VERY uncomfortable and it feels very awkward for him, he was in some pain during the procedure and also can feel the line in his chest and heart. He really needs to just chill out and rest tonight, so please hold all phone calls until tomorrow.

Thanks

Central Line

They just left with Dave to insert the line, and my heart breaks for what he has to go through. There are some days when I am so strong, and there are days like today when I feel so very weak. I am sitting here with tears just flowing as I long to take his place in all of this. It is going to be such an uncomfortable procedure and uncomfortable way for him to be with that in his neck. He was so upset that it came down to this and I am so upset because I just wish he wasn't going through any of this. It seems so unfair that he has to go through all of these immense trials at such a young age, but would you believe that he is the one who told me this morning that we don't have to understand why, because through it all God has a plan. I envy his incredible strength and faith through this time, it is something that I just don't have. I do have faith that this is all in Gods hands and whatever happens is part of something grander then we know, but I don't have the strength that he has or the peace with what is going on that he has. I have learned so many life lessons through this young man, God is truly at work through him.

February 12th. 2009

I usually post later in the day, but we just got news from the doctors of important information. They are inserting the Central Line today, Dave had a bad night and is not doing well today. They don't want to take any more chances so it is going in this afternoon. He is trying not to be discouraged with this news, but it is hard for him. What this will do is measure the pressures in his heart and it will elevate him to the very highest status for the transplant list.

Now for the most discouraging part, if his readings are low or if he continues to worsen, like he did over night, they will have to put in what is called a LVAD. What this is, is a surgically implanted pump that will make his heart work. The problem with this procedure is that they will have to take him off of the transplant list for a week after the implant of this LVAD so that he can heal from the surgery. Then he will go back on the list at the highest status at that point again.

We REALLY don't want them to have to insert the LVAD, it would be so horrible for him to go through this procedure and then have to wait even longer for his gift of a new heart. I don't think any of us will be able to mentally handle it well, especially him and he has been in such good spirits about all of this so far.

The surgeons just came in while I was typing this and told us that they are all getting very nervous about how quickly David is deteriorating at this point, so they are strongly considering inserting the LVAD, or how they call it a Mechanical Device to help the heart. They are going to get everything in the works to go ahead and do that, but they will still wait and see what the Central Line shows them today. They are getting several offers for hearts, but Dave is so tall that he is proving difficult to find a match for him, this was discouraging news to hear today.

Please pray hard these next 24 hours, we need it very badly.

MAIL MAN !!! Oh my goodness.....

We were sitting here today enjoying our salads for lunch when the mail room guy pops his head in with this HUGE and I mean HUGE stack of mail. Both us where like, really all that mail is for him??? He received 13 cards and 4 packages!! It took him over and hour to get through all the mail, and he loved it!! We hang up every single card he gets in his room, and it is getting very decorated! Keep them coming!!

Whitney and Aliza thank you so much for sending all of the cards from the Kindergartners! They were great and they made him and I smile!! Since I am a future Kindergarten teacher, I really appreciated them!! Dave thought they were so adorable and loved every one of them, we are hanging them ALL up on the wall!!

Aunt Susan, he really enjoyed the package you sent and is busy digging into the SUDOKU hand held game as I type this. He also hasn't seen 2 of the movies you sent so he is excited about those and the computer game!

Someone sent him something from Barnes and Noble, but the UPS man had trouble delivering it, but I talked to them and they are going to deliver it tomorrow! THANK YOU!!!

Much love to everyone, this was a great way to start the day!!

Pictures of Today

Dave and Mom

Dave with Jimmy and Gabby

Dave with Donna

Donna brought her camera so we took some great pictures today of Dave and his visitors! He was in such good spirits with all of them here! I am SOOOO glad they all came, it did his HEART good. Donna and family bought him a STANFORD heart as a joke gift, and Dave loved it.

February 10th, 2009

We have had visitors today!! Donna Murren came up today with Gabby and Jimmy, and it has really brightened Davids day. They drove the 6+ hours from Tehachapi just to see him and will go back home tonight. He has liked catching up with them and has been laughing and in good spirits. Then as an added bonus his friend Tim, who goes to school in San Jose also dropped by. As if that wasn't enough his Grandpa Fred dropped in for a surprise visit. WHEW!!! What a break in the "same old day" it has been! Thanks you guys!!

He has had a couple more episodes of the VT AC today, nothing too serious, but enough were he is feeling it. They are just keeping an eye on him and they changed his meds around a bit to see if that will help it even out a bit.

The surgeons came in today and told us that they have had several offers of hearts for David, but they just haven't liked the ones they have seen, they are searching for just the right one. We are good with that because we know it is not them that will choose the heart, but the Lord. One of the doctors told us yesterday that he did not suspect that it would be a long wait, since the offers have been coming in pretty regularly for him.

February 9th, 2009

It has been a "lazy" day today in some respects, if some of you could even see Dave right now, he is totally "kicking back" in his hospital bed with all of these IVs and junk on him and he looks totally relaxed playing his PSP. You would think he was at home lying on his bed just hanging out! He is being his typical self, yelling at the game when it's not working, making jokes with me, and all around having a good day. I am glad since he went into VT AC twice this weekend and they told him he had to be on bed rest all weekend. Today they took him off of bed rest but he still has to take it easy. So we have been lazy today, I have been doing endless word searches and he has been playing his games.

He has gotten so many fun packages and cards in the mail this last week! Thanks to all who send him stuff, even if it is just cards, he loves looking at all of them and then we hang them up on his wall so he can lay in bed and see them. Aunt Wendy and Jess thanks to both of you for the packages of things for him to do, he has enjoyed all of them. Jess, those books are GREAT! I am laughing my head off reading them!

XOXO

February 8th, 2009

Just spoke to Doug and he is on his way home, Dave had a pretty low key day today. Not much happening and such. I like it when it is days like that! Last night he had a scary situation, his heart went into VTAC, it raced to 180 in seconds and scared the nurses and doctor for a minute. They got it back under control and regualted some of his meds a little bit and they are just keeping an eye on that. Glad it was Doug and not me when that happened!!

I have had a great weekend with my kids, we ran some errands yesterday, saw my dad and family for a bit, got caught up on my TV shows, and spent this afternoon with Traci and Heidi getting caught up on gossip and hanging out with two of my nearest and dearest. It has been a great weekend for me and I am feeling much better and feel like I can actually take on the week to come. Next weekend Doug and the kids will go to Stanford and we will spend the weekend together since it is a 3 day weekend with them all.

February 7th, 2009

So it is the weekend and I am at home while Doug is with Dave, it is really unreal to me that we are actually handling this schedule without to0 much whining or complaining. It is true that the Lord will give you the strength you need to handle any situation.

I have spoken to David a couple of times today, he sounded good and upbeat, I am so glad! His Grandma Linda drove the 2 hour drive today to come and give him a much needed haircut and he is now clean shaven. When I spoke to him on the phone he said he felt so much better just after those two simple tasks were taken care of, so thank you Grandma Linda, he REALLY appreciated it!!

They had to start a regular IV in his hand today, something they haven't had to do since they inserted the PICC line last week. I guess the PICC got blocked somehow and his meds weren't getting through, but they got it working finally this afternoon. He hates getting poked over and over!

In other news, last week he had a chef's salad from the cafeteria, and he LOVED them, they were very satisfying to him and he has wanted one every day. Only one problem, they stopped serving them after the first 2 days of his new found love. So he has been making do with Chicken Ceaser Salads, and on Thursday one of the nurses brought him a comment card to fill out for the cafeteria because he has missed the Chef Salad so much. Well, today on the phone he told me that the Dietician came up and asked him about this comment card he turned in, she said she would do what she could in bringing them back to the cafeteria for sale, but in the mean time she was having the kitchen prepare a personal chef salad just for him. He was SO EXCITED, and I was so happy that he was brought some joy today, even in just a little way.

Just a little "Shout Out"

I have to take a minute and say a public thank you to some incredible women that have done so much for my family and I these past few weeks, I literally could not be handling any of this without them.

Apryl and Angelia, thank you so much for making sure my kids get to school and back every day, it makes me feel so at ease that my kids are so comfortable with you and that the regular routine has not been interrupted too much, just that is a comfort to me. Sandi, thank you for arranging meals for Doug and the kids while I am gone during the week and then on the weekend it is such a relief not to have to come home and cook all weekend, you have no idea how much I have really appreciated that. Traci, thank you for always being there for me at a moments notice, whether it be something to do with the kids, taking Claire to dance, or just listening to me yell and cry, you are a great comfort to me. Heidi, for just always being there no matter what, the endless text messages and emails that keep me going mean more to me then you know. Heather, for making me laugh when I don't think I could laugh at anything, for stepping up in any way you can think of just to make my life easier.

Without you 6 women I would be so much more stressed out wondering how things are being handled at home. You all have done so much, everything from taking the kids to school, to bringing food to my house, letting me cry endlessly, or even simple things like waving at my kids during the awards ceremony that I missed and taking pictures so that I could still be part of the moment. Thank you from the bottom of my heart, you are my girls, and I am so proud to call you friends.

Central Line....

Just as I was leaving David today the doctor came in and told us that they are NOT going to put in the central line.... PRAISE GOD!!! He is doing well for now and they want to put that off until there is really no other options. I am sooo happy about that. It is these simple things that are helping me get through the day..... He will at least have another day of comfort.

More tomorrow.... XOXO

February 6th, 2009

The doctors have decided to go ahead and insert the Central Line today, I am still waiting to see why this decision was made. Last night when I left they were very happy with the progress Dave was making when he was walking around and sitting up. So something must have shown up in a blood test or vitals that make them concerned enough to want to go ahead and insert that. Please pray for Dave because this means he will have to stay in bed all the time and will barely be allowed to sit up in the bed due to the placement of the IV in his neck. I was really hoping this would not happen, I am trying not to question the Lord but every day it gets harder and harder not to.

Last night it finally hit me straight in the gut-- our son is dying, without a new heart he will die. He can not function without these VERY strong medicines that travel by IV straight into his body. I was beside myself in grief, I laid there and just sobbed because after almost 3 weeks of this roller coaster it hit me that he is dying. I think that the Lord gives you some sort of armor to make it through for a little while and then it is almost like he reaches down and touches you and says, "OK enough it's time you face the truth, but it is OK because I am holding you." That is how I felt last night, the world all of a sudden crashed down on me, but I felt this strange comfort that the Lord was there with me telling me that even though it was time to face the truth he was there.

Things like these make it so hard to trust in the Lord, because we as simple mortal beings can't see through to the other side and see his plans through this. We only want what we want, we don't really stop and think that the Lord has a plan through this. If the Lord took my sweet boy home with him today it would be so hard to see what he has planned through that, just like it is hard to fathom why he is putting him through all of this now. It takes every bone of strength in my body not to question our makers plan through all of this, and I know that we may never know why he is putting not only all of us through this, but most importantly David. What is he trying to show us or teach us?

That is why being a Christian is so great, "We walk by Faith, Not by Sight". I thank Kevin Boesler for sharing that little piece of scripture with us yesterday when he came down for a visit, it struck a chord with me because it is the truth. We must trust in the Lord with all our hearts because he will do right by us and we mustn't question his plans, because we don't know the plans he has for us. But the best part about being a Christian is knowing that no matter what he will never leave us or forsake us, he is always there, in our times of happiness or despair. I find great comfort in that.

February 5th, 2009

So we had our first "dry run" today, the nurse came in at about 1pm and took blood because she said they had a possible donor. But after 4 hours of wait time the doctor came in and told us that the heart went to someone that was a better match. Oh well, we know that our time will come and we are joyful for the person that did get to receive this gift of life.

Dave did really good today, as a matter of fact right now he is sitting up eating a double portion of low sodium turkey, mashed potatoes, and gravy. It is his fave around here, and it is what they serve every Thursday night.

We are all hanging in there and trying to be as positive as we can, everyday brings new challenges and new rewards. Please continue to pray for our strength and that we keep our eyes to the Lord during this time. I go home tomorrow and Dave will be by himself until Doug gets here on Saturday, so please pray for his comfort while he is alone.

Benefit Fund for The Kennedy Family

Dear Friends and Family Members,

My aunt, Susan Schaefer, has lovingly put together a benefit fund for David and his family.

This is going to be a permanent new way of life for us as this condition, even after the transplant, will require close monitoring to meet his special needs. Several people have either contacted us or others in regards to wanting to help out and my aunt believes that this would be a good way to do it.

If you would like to contribute in any way to this Benefit Fund there are several options. We have opened a special account for this purpose at the Navy Federal Credit Union. You can either walk into any branch with the account information or mail it to the address below. If you have any questions please feel free to contact my Aunt, Susan Schaefer at 805-474-4048.

Thank you all we appreciate everything, all the prayers and on going love.


Navy Federal Credit Union
Po Box 3100
Merrifield, Va 22119-3100


Account # 7012287442

****If you would like to donate please make the check out to
D Kennedy Benefit Fund ACCT#7012287442, and mail directly to the Navy Credit Union. All donations are tax deductible. If you have any questions please feel free to contact my Aunt, Susan Schaefer at 805-474-4048.

February 4th, 2009

Dave has really felt good today, AMEN! Because he is feeling ok they held off on putting the Central Line in today. He was happy about this, and even more so when the surgeons came in and told him that he is still at the top of the list due to the amount of medicine he is required to be on. So other then that we have had a pretty low key day. I am glad he is feeling better because he got an enormous amount of phone calls today as well as a few unexpected visitors. Right now he is shaving while I type this and then the nurse is going to come in and help him walk a little bit so they can see how his heart does. Plus he is starting to get some really bad soreness throughout his body and they really want to start building up his body strength before he gets a " revin new engine", I am quoting the doctor there!

I am truly enjoying these days at his "bedside" we talk about the most obscure things, make fun of the nurses, and really connect in a way we have never done before. God truly has a plan through all of this and it delights me to be a part of it.

In other news I had to say goodbye to that fantastic bed today! The Navy okayed our orders for a travel claim and I move into my new quarters tonight. I will now be a long term resident at the Residence Inn right down the road, it will be nice to be closer and all of that, but I am going to really miss Aunt Rose and Uncle Robert, and of course that wonderful bed!!

Address and Contact Information

I have been asked by many that we put the address and phone # on the side bar of the blog so that it is easier to find then having to scroll through all of the posts, so I just did that. Also yesterday I changed the comment requirements so that any and all can post a comment without having to set up a google account. I see that some have already accessed that feature, and I am sooo glad!!

XOXO to you all!

February 3rd, 2009

So day one of waiting has begun, it could be a short wait or it could be a long wait. I have switched my prayers off of his healing today to prayers of comfort for the family that will give us this gift. I firmly believe, and have shared this with David, that this person who will give us this gift has been handpicked by God and that was their sole purpose in life. I believe that person was chosen to grow and protect that heart for our Dave. How awesome a chore, if only I could be so lucky to have that be my calling.

He is doing better today, eating a bit, and all of that. He is still very pale and not 100%, but doing better. He is officially on the transplant list and today he is on the 2nd highest status (1b), but tomorrow they will be inserting a central line into his neck so that they can accurately read his heart pressures, and by doing that he will be bumped to the top of the list(1a). He is not looking forward to the procedure or the fact that afterwards he will not be able to get out of bed at all. But the total end result will be worth it.

Yesterday he was feeling pretty grouchy and all of this time in the hospital has started wearing on him and he is beginning to feel very closed in. He has spent 18 days in the hospital so far and before that he was in the ships hospital for 9 days, so he is done being stuck in a hospital. He has a ways to go though as they are keeping him here for the duration. Please pray for his comfort during this time and that he will feel more patience and ease. He needs something to take his mind off all of this and my mind has started drawing a big old blank, I am tired too! HEHE

He also got 3 cards in the mail today, one from G&G Witt (thank you!) and then 2 from other Navy Moms out there that we don't even know. Just the thought of many people praying for him around this country and out is so heart warming to me. Thank you to those who are sending him stuff and posting messages, it is doing all of our hearts good!!

Reflections.....

We are incredibly lucky to have one of Doug's many aunts living close by in San Jose, so that is where I have been staying at night until the Navy gets their act together and gets us a place closer to the hospital. I so enjoy going back to Aunt Rose's house in the evening, she and Uncle Robert are both sweet gentle spirits during this time. At night we sit and visit while I unwind from the stress of the day, and let me tell you they have the most awesome guest bed, it is so comfortable. All I can think about on the drive back to their house at night is that bed and how well I am going to sleep.

Last night however, as I settled in that oh so comfy bed, I just couldn't settle down. The events of not only yesterday but the weeks before kept running through my head. And then before I knew it I was thinking about Dave as a child and all the funny happy memories that I have had of him. Then I started thinking about how I met Doug and Dave and then a huge realization hit me... if it hadn't been for Dave I seriously doubt I would have married Doug:) HAHA, but really he was such a sweet spirit I couldn't help but be drawn to him.

Some of you may not know the story of how a 32 year old woman could possibly be the mother of a 19 year old.... I met Doug when I was 18 and he was 26 (Dave was 5 at the time), right off the bat he told me he had a kid and that was a major turn off for me. Until I met the kid... I was perfectly happy just having a "good time" with Doug, not looking for anything serious, until I spent an entire day with him and David. The love I witnessed between father and son was something that I would never forget and that I instantly wanted to be a part of. It has helped that in all respects David's mother has not been involved, this has allowed Dave and I to create a more natural bond to each other these past 14 years. But I am saddened for her, because in my opinion she has really missed out on such a fine young man.

I will be forever grateful to the Lord for bringing this child into my life, I love him as I do my own born children. He is a major part of my life and I can't think of what my life would be without him. He has taught me so much over the past 14 years, mainly he has taught me how to be a mother. Yes, we have had some bumps along the way, but who hasn't. He is such a man of God and I stand in awe when I see first hand how strong his faith is, it is much stronger then mine. Dave is the person who led Doug and I back to Christ, the Lord used him in that way, and I am so grateful for that. He has taught me so much in his young life so much he will never know, and I know he has touched others in the same way.

We are so grateful for the second chance he is getting, it is so obvious to me that the Lord has great things for him in the future. I am excited that the Lord chose me to be in this young mans life and that I get to witness the awesome things that he will continue to do through David.

February 2nd, 2009 -- A New Heart

Well, today was not the best day, in some respects we are glad to get some answers, but Dave just did not feel well today. When I arrived just before 11am he did not look well at all, and he hasn't looked "good" this whole time, so for him to look worse was not something I enjoyed. So to cut a very long day short the end result is he will be going on the transplant list tomorrow. The meds aren't cutting it, he isn't getting better, and the new doctor seems like a real no nonsense guy and he just said, "transplant."

We are all handling this ok, he has a good attitude about all of this, and I know that is because his faith in the Lord is so strong. He has been such a gift to Doug and I, and we know that the Lord will protect this gift no matter what the outcome. We can't question the reasoning behind any of this because it is not our decision to make, but only the Lords. I am terrified for this young man, but at the same time trying to be so strong for him.

Keep praying as we PATIENTLY await for someone to give us a precious gift of life, the waiting is always the hardest. Please pray for the family that will be making this gift, because when it comes down to it they will be saying goodbye to a loved one, and that is so very difficult. They need our prayers just as much as we need them.

Blessings and thanks to you all.

Feb 1st, 2009

Is it February already?? The past 2 weeks have been such a blur that when I woke up this morning I could hardly believe we have already entered month 2 of this new year.

I am at home with the kids this weekend, Doug is at Stanford for the weekend, this is how it will go the next few weeks or months, the trading game. For the most part I will be at the hospital during the week and Doug there on the weekends. Please pray for our marriage during this time, that we can still try and be the parents and team that we need to be. It will be a hard road, but we clearly know that this is our calling right now. Please pray for John(9) and Claire (7) as they deal with a "one" parent household in the following weeks, not only that but they miss and worry about their brother. Claire the most as she and Dave have always had a very special bond and she is not dealing with any of this very well.

Dave is doing ok, he is still on the IV drugs until early this next week. He was very tired all day on Saturday and then all Saturday night felt really "weird" is what he told Doug. His body just didn't feel right I guess all last night, so please continue to pray for his comfort.

Dr. Fowler has switched "teams" for the month of February and we will be introduced to a new Doctor tomorrow morning, please pray for wisdom from the Lord to be granted onto him that he will be able to make accurate decisions regarding David's health. We know that the Lord is leading us down this path for a reason, but not sure quite what!!

Several have asked if Dave is up to visitors, OF COURSE!! Just please advise if and when you want to come so we can arrange it that he is not bombarded at one time. He does tire easily (although he is hesitant to admit it) and it takes a lot out of him at times to talk and maintain.