Wednesday, March 4, 2009

March 4th, 2009

The doctors came in today and told us what I had been expecting to hear, that David's heart condition is worsening. They have now had to put him back on 2 out of the 3 heart meds that they took him off of last week in order to help his heart function better. The bummer part of all this is that he feels the best when he is on the meds because they help his heart work so well, but that means he has to stay in the ICU while on them. It is truly a battle of lesser evils in my opinion. As soon as they started him on the second heart med today I saw an instant change in him, his color got better, he wanted to eat a little bit, he started playing his PSP, and we got him up for a walk.

He had to face a hard truth today, that he would not be leaving the hospital before the heart transplant. Somewhere in the back of his mind I think he was hoping that he would be well enough and some point to leave the hospital and continue the wait at the hotel or better yet at home. The doctors and I had to get real with him today and tell him that was just not a possibility, his heart is too weak. Watching him take in that realization was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. Once again I realized that he is so young and there isn't any good reason why he should have to be going through this. As soon as the doctors left he was incredibly angry and frustrated it was written all over his face, he asked me to go and get him something to drink and I knew that was my cue to give him some alone time. Believe me I needed it as well.

I sat in the bathroom for the longest time images of this child flashing through my head and wondering once again WHY US??? That is the million dollar question here, I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, but honestly lets just get it out there, why in the heck did it have to be us?? I kept thinking about him when he got his first bike on Christmas Eve in 95, how he looked on our wedding day, the day that John was born, his first day of high school, and the day he left for the Navy and I felt incredibly naive and stupid for taking every one of those memories for granted. It's not even as if I was trying to recall those memories they were just all of a sudden there like the Lord was trying to tell me something and I have yet to figure it out.

When I returned to his room after lunch his spirits were a little better and I could tell he felt much more resolved about the situation. I owe a lot of this resolution to the nurse we had today, Greg. I can't thank him enough for sitting by David's bedside and just letting David talk or looking at me while David was sleeping and taking the time to make sure I was ok after we received such heavy news today. It is people like the Greg's in the world that make it a little bit easier to deal with this incredible pain. Back to what he said to me... he looked at me and with that typical David attitude (and all of you who know him know what I mean) said to me "I am really sick and I am not going to get better without a new heart, and so if I have to stay here in the ICU in the mean time, oh well, I can deal with that." And that was that, he had resigned himself to it and I could just tell he made himself right with the Lord and had moved on.

Oh how I wish I had that strength, I felt like the weakest link for crying in the bathroom at that point. I know I had every right, but here is this child going through what no 19 year old should EVER have to go through and he made himself ok with it, just like that. And here I am this 32 year old woman struggling every minute of the day trying to make myself understand why. This boy has taught me lessons upon lessons of life and I can not wait for the day that I can share that with him.


  1. Mrs. Kennedy,

    You are a strong woman! And so young to be dealing with this...

    There are a lot of people praying for David, you and your family. You all are upon my heart always. I am confident a heart will come for him.

    All My Love
    Angel Huggs


  2. You have a mighty strong boy there, please let him know that we think of him all the time and are praying that the right hearts comes to him quickly.
    Take care of yourself!
    May God Bless all of you!
    Lots of love the Roman Family,
    Rogelio, Aliza, Christopher, Carlos, Michael, and Marcos

  3. David is such an amazing person who we can all learn lessons from. Bronwyn, thank you for sharing your ups and downs. You are very strong and you are growing in faith and perseverance every day. (JAMES 1:12) Part of that growth is releasing tears in sadness and happiness.
    All of you are in our thoughts and prayers everyday.

  4. David, our hearts and prayers are out ther from you from the Boxer! You are a fantastic person who touched the hearts of many.

    Mrs Kennedy we thank you for keeping us updated on David. Your writings bring tears to our eyes, but open our hearts to what a great family and the love that you have.

    Stay strong!
    All of our thoughts and prayers are with you from the sea!
    LT Julie Cavaner

  5. david you are amazing i think you are showing all of us more strength than any of us think we could handle... although you have to stay on the meds, im glad they make you feel a lil better :)... any more dogs going to be coming to see you? or should i send you that imaginary cat? :).. smiles david, you are effecting some many lives

    lots of love

  6. Brownyn, on behalf of the prayer wall, We want you to know we are praying mightily for David an all of you. Our Lord is merciful. He is the great physician and we trust Him unconditionally. Your Navy Moms are lifting your precious son and our son also up in a chorus of prayers. We send love & call upon our Heavenly Father who holds our military sons & daughters in His precious hands to hear our prayers for David and all of you. We will praise Him & wait for God's answers in expectation.

  7. James 1:2 says, "Count is all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of various kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith produces steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing." Though I obviously don't know the Lord's plan in all of this, and I cannot give an answer to wipe away your tears, I do know and have full assurance that through this all the Lord is making you complete. COMPLETE! Lacking in nothing. And I know sometimes He makes us feel incomplete to accomplish this. I can't tell you how much joy and peace I have when I read your blogs. Of course I am sad and I definitely miss having David around and laughing about my dogs eating his shoes, but I am very grateful to see the work He has already begun in both of you... even in the comments left by others. Physically David's heart is weak, but spiritually it is obvious that the Lord is making both of your hearts strong through all of this.

    Thank you so much for writing and for your honesty in writing. I read your blogs like they are crack. :) Every single day. (It feels a little like stalking sometimes...)

    I love you and I hope you get to have another great weekend.