I debated on this posting.... a couple of times I have been asked to retract or edited my postings on the blog because they have either been to "emotional", or given out to much family information. But tonight while I was in the shower I was feeling very heavy with love for my son and feeling this overwhelming need to express it, so here goes. Twice today I felt like I was defending my reasons for loving him and that worried me to a great extent. So just a bit ago I got down on my knees and spent a great deal of time with the Lord and afterwards felt so much peace in my heart.
David has been a part of my life since he was 5 years old, we have not always got along well, that isn't a secret to anyone who has been a part of our life. But truth be told I would like to meet a happy well adjusted "normal" family that gets along with their kids 24/7 all the time! We had growing pains all the while he was growing up and even more so when he was a teenager. At the time I thought we were the only parents ever going through something like that, I remember my mom just laughing at me, and I remember being quite offended. Now I look back and talk with other parents and know that it was all normal kid stuff! We even have other parents of teens coming to us for advice now, it is so weird. And I know that we will be that more prepared for these things when John and Claire reach that age group.
But these past 2 months have been so precious to me with David, I can't even put into words what they have meant to me. He and I have always had this unspoken thing, we were close but still worlds apart, and this tragedy has pulled us together in a way that is totally indescribable. The moments we have shared have been awe inspiring and ones that I will never forget. Even the times when we sit in silence each doing our own thing have been precious to me because we are so comfortable with each other now. We truly have become best friends over the last two months and that is something that I have always wanted for us.
When David joined the Navy he sent us a letter that will remain with me forever, a letter that basically said how much he loved us and was sorry for being that typical teen and making some bad choices. Shortly after that he sent me a beautiful necklace that the Navy puts out just for moms with a letter he wrote for me that I will share with no one. Since that day he and I have become closer each day, and I know now that the Lord was preparing both of us for these days. I didn't realize that until just today, that he was softening our hearts so that we could both be ready for these long months together.
I will never ever forget these moments that I have been able to spend with MY son, it doesn't matter that I didn't give birth to him, he is MINE and MINE alone. We have a long journey still ahead of us but I now look forward to the journey because we can do it together, we have proved that much in just the past two months. He and I make a great team, we keep telling his dad that he is just an added bonus! HAHA