The night of Mother's Day I laid in my bed feeling so very sorry for myself when really I shouldn't have, I had a weekend of joy with my family and I was focusing way too much on what I didn't get out of it. That started making me really upset at myself, then at 3am I was woken up suddenly by some ruckus outside and as I was trying to fall back asleep these words came to me," Do not exasperate your children, bring them up to know me the Lord." I thought to myself as I was falling back asleep, sure I have been heavily pounding, along with the doctors, what David should be doing, but had I been doing in a Christ like way. Had I been doing it in a way that a true Christian mother should be? Was I going to my son and getting down on my knees not only FOR him but WITH him and showing him how to pray for guidance with this new life. I was not, and I was not showing him how to walk this walk with the Lord, and that needed to change.
It is funny how once you have your mind set to something, and it is something that the Lord has prompted you to do it is very easy to accomplish. The next morning on the way to Physical Therapy I had decided that the sins of the weekend had been washed away and we were going to move forward. When we got into the car I turned on my IPOD and the first song that came on was , " I will praise you in this storm" by Jeremy Camp. My eyes welled with tears, because that is something that I had stopped doing. I had stopped PRAISING the Lord for the new challenges he was putting before me, because through all things I am strengthened not just some things!
Later that very day my friend Sarah and I took David up to Alcatraz and we had a truly awesome time. I let go of all my fears for him and just gave him up to the Lord, I only wish that I could hold him close and protected forever, but the reality of it is, I CAN'T. But the awesome thing is the Lord CAN! How great is that, that the Lord can protect him when I can't, what a great insurance plan! When we got home at night and I downloaded the pictures on my computer there was one that I just loved of him and I. He is holding me tight with one arm around me and we are BOTH smiling, I started crying and felt compelled to send him an email thanking him for the day with a copy of the picture. Yes even though we live in the same hotel room, an email seemed the perfect way to communicate for me.
It wasn't until very late the next night that I got a response, and it was such a positive one. It is an email that has been printed and put in that treasure box that I hold near and dear to my heart and everything precious goes into. Since that day, he has taken his vitals pretty regularly, his meds on a good schedule, and has been doing some exercising. He hasn't gotten it down to a perfect routine, but he is honest when he doesn't do it and he is trying his best. That is all we can ask for, and just the fact that he is making an effort is a step in the right direction for me.
Something else happened that week after Mother's Day, a friend of mine from Bakersfield sent me a text message that a good friend of hers had been air lifted to Stanford and was in multiple organ failure, mainly with her liver. I felt compelled to stop in and see her mother and father, as this young woman is only 26 years old. I know first hand what it is like to sit there and watch your child dying, and it is something that you can not describe to anyone else or really share with anyone else. It was my honor and extreme privileged to take both of those people in my arms and hold them close. And I think it was very good for David to see just how hard it is to watch a child dying, being on the outside looking in paints a very clear picture of the pain and anguish that you feel. Thankfully this family were believers and even more so 2 days later the young woman got a liver transplant.
We got to go home that weekend for another weekend pass, and it was an extended pass this time, 4 days instead of 2 and we just had a ball. Again I had to take a deep breath and let the Lord take over, for once I concentrated on myself first and not David. I loved on my little ones and most importantly my husband. I hung out with friends, saw my family, and one day stayed in my workout clothes all day because I COULD! Somewhere in that weekend David made a huge turn around in his attitude. He did get cleared for driving that week so he drove to a friends house, which was so exciting for him. When we came back to the "homtel" his whole attitude was different, I could sense it in his whole being. He started wanting to play his computer games again, napping has pretty much ceased and he has taken full control of his health care. He even helped me carry in the groceries when I got back from the grocery store.
And then the most exciting thing that happened this past week, and I just love our God for this one! We were invited to our friend Sarah's house for dinner, she and her husband were making us some homemade Italian so we drove down into San Jose for dinner, and let me tell you it was good! Then we stayed for their small group bible study that they have every Wednesday night, they were starting a new study that week on Romans. I personally loved it and I was the "oldest" meaning more seasoned in the group, being the only one married outside of 2 years and having kids. Which was really weird since we were all the same age, but this group of people were so incredibly awesome and so filled with the Lord. David really loved being a part of the group and really enjoyed himself and even offered up a part of himself when they asked for prayer requests. Later that evening when we were back at home he then asked me if it would be all right if we went every Wednesday while we were still here! YAHOO! Our God is a great big GOD who will lead us where we need to be when we need to be there!
Then this past week I got what was apparently some sort of flu bug. At first I thought it was my ulcer acting up or maybe something I ate, because the only symptom I had was a HORRIBLE tummy ache. David was very sweet and took really good care of me, even went down to the hotel lobby and got me 7ups as I needed them. But the day after I started feeling better he came down with it. I felt so bad! How could I of infected him, when they told me the care givers were to leave as soon as they got sick! But I called the nurse and she just laughed at me and said that this was a good thing for several reasons. 1) It made him realize just how immune suppressed he really is and how quickly he will get something 2) At least it happened why we were close to Stanford so they could help us learn how to deal with common every day stuff that he is going to get and 3) This helped David really learn how to stop and listed to his body.
He is finally feeling better today after 3 full days of the horrible bug, it attacked him harder then me because his system is so weak, but he is pretty much back to normal today. The whole family was here over the weekend and it was just awesome. We are getting close to being "released" we are hoping for sometime around the 19th of June, so pray for that please!! He is really taken a new lease on life and it shows in his daily behavior and attitude.
Here are some medical updates that have happened since last posted:
- His tongue swelling that he had right after transplant has come back again mysteriously
- He contracted Thrush in his mouth from not taking one of his meds that prevents that
- He has become Diabetic, which they told us would happen, it is Medically Induced Diabetes, and he has to just watch his sugar intake, they have him on a blood sugar medication, and he has to test himself twice a day with a little pin prick on the finger
- His blood pressures have been on the high side so they have been trying to regulate that with medication as well. Diet and exercise will also help with this.