Friday, May 8, 2009

I am so sorry

Today Dave and I went together to the therapist, she was quite disappointed from last week after talking to the doctors about Davids choices before yesterday. She openly told Dave how upset she was and how his choices were eventually going to cost him his life. She talked to him for a long time about the things he has to do from now on where his health is concerned and that he will have to live a different life then before. It will still be a wonderful life, but there will be some added stuff to it that he is going to have to do to stay alive. Dave then shocked all of us by saying he will do what he needs to do to be "released" from Stanford but after that he has no plans to continue the treatment plan they have in place for him. His exact words were, "this is all so stupid." He says he will take his medicines because he realizes they are important, but he will not take his vitals, continue to exercise, watch what he eats, or manage his life in any other way. He says there is no point and he will be fine and that he is tired of the scare tactics everyone is pulling on him.

The therapist looked at me and said that Doug and I needed to treat this attitude like parents of a drug addict. That as much as it hurts us that we can not allow him to live with us when he is choosing to ultimately kill himself. She then told me that it would be so hard to watch him make that choice everyday, and that we needed to prepare ourselves for the fact that because of this David is going to die. He will probably die within 1-5 years because of his decision. He just smiled and had a whatever attitude, and that he isn't worried about finding a place to live because there are plenty of people that will take him in. There is no hard feelings going on between David, Doug, and I at all, he just doesn't want to do what he needs to do to manage his life, his exact words are ," this is all so stupid." I know I already said that, but I feel it bears repeating.

I beg of you if you are approached by David to come and stay with you that you firmly tell him no, and why you are saying no. He needs to hear it from other people, not just us, how badly it hurts us that he is choosing this for his life. Please do not enable him to continue this pattern, I plead with you. He says he isn't trying to hurt us he just doesn't see the point in all of the extra stuff. In his mind he has a new heart and everything should be fine and that nothing will happen, we are all being paranoid.

I am deeply sorry that so many of you have stopped your life for him, have prayed for him, and given so much of yourselves to his recovery. I am deeply embarrassed and sad that this is how he is choosing to show his gratitude.

Please pray for the Lord to work through him and show him the reasons why he needs to treasure and change his life, because it is totally up to the Lord now. He knows what I want and everyone else wants. It is up to him to do it. He has been doing great here the past couple of days, but he openly admits it is only because he wants to leave and he is "giving them what they want". He has no plans to continue taking care of himself after we leave here.


  1. Bronwyn, You have NOTHING to be sorry, or embarrassed about. You have done your best with David. You truly need to remember to "let go, and let God". I will continue to pray for you. I will also continue to pray for David. Our Lord has a plan, we just need to keep praying, and trust in Him. Take care of yourself dear lady. Let God take care of the rest.

  2. I will say B you have done your damnedest to do everything you can for him. We all thank you, and hold you and your ENTIRE family in our hearts, but reading this has set me back, i am completely shocked by what he has said, although glad that he is being honest. I can't imagine what it is like to go through having a new heart, and the changes, but i cant imagine being given a new heart when he was so close to dying and a new life and just be willing to throw it away. That a family gaved a loved ones organs to help save peoples lives so that they can be around thier loved ones and family and hopefully make a difference in someone else's life someday. I tell god everyday to all the people who have worked SOOOOO hard to help him: from the dr's and nurses in Hawaii- the team that flew him to California- the nurses and Dr's at the hospital that worked so hard to keep him alive until his heart came- to the therapists, nutritionist, nurses, his family and friends..Thank you for doing your best to help him, i hope he has a change in his thoughts for the better, and soon. And most importantly thank you to the donor family for allowing your child the chance to help someone else out, so that they can stay around and be with their parents, siblings, friends, etc. You were the most important role in this process, and a huge ty to the one who guided all the surgeon's hands, and everyone who's lives have been changed for David. Trusting that it will just be, that one morning David will wake up in bed, realize how many people have worked and given their lives for him, and he will do all he can to protect that.

  3. Precious David, I am SO saddened reading these recent blogs. Jesus has given you a second chance at life, He's given you a new heart, the finest doctors, hospital and care, He's given you SO MUCH. All you have to do is take care of yourself and you won't do that? WOW! I'm curious...have you given any thought to how your death is going to affect your little brother and sister? They will live on knowing that you could probably have been around longer if you tried. Instead of having you to talk to or learn from or share with, they will only have a memory and incredible sadness. Yeah, taking care of yourself is stupid (tongue in cheek) Nobody should have to take care of themselves, right? Who needs to eat better foods, take medicine and exercise??? I guess laying around all day watching TV or playing on the computer and eating junk food is a much easier life, huh? Is that what you would be doing in the Navy right now if this heart condition hadn't happened? It sounds to me like your having a little pity party but this is no party. There are so many people that love you and need for you to be around and you can be around for alot longer with very little effort. Jesus have given you a whole new life on a silver platter NOW it's up to you to do what you need to do to say Thank You to HIM.

  4. Dear David, I don't know if you will even read this! I have always thought you were so special and I still do but on some level I am just stupefied to hear that your attitude is so negative. All of us have cried, prayed, and sit in silence for you on many a day. We have taken you into our hearts and made you one of our own. We have hurt and cried at what you have had to go through. You have been given so much and and to whom much has been given much is required. You are not just letting yourself down, you are letting a lot of people down. And how will you explain to your God and Savior that you don't appreciate all he has done for you? The biggest lesson was supposed to already have been but it seems you are going to make your road and the lessons much harder. Don't think the road will be easy because it was not meant to be. However, and I must say when we go against our Heavenly Father the way becomes much harder and the longer we are in opposition the more difficult to hear his voice. Please David, yes life can suck but you have already been through the worst. There's nothing wrong with exercise, and eating at Whole Foods and Chipotle as opposed to In and Out. Once in awhile is fine but every day is not going to be drudgery just because you can't eat junk and sit around every day. The positive is you can become an athelete, have a family (children and a beautiful wife), you can live and breath and enjoy what God has in store for you. Your life isn't over! Stop trying to destroy this new fresh start and become the young man you were intended to be! I love you David! We love you! How can you face the family that gave a heart to you and explain why you didn't care enough to do the best with it? Sincerely, I sign myself someone that knows you and is a concerned friend and parent.