March 3rd, 2009

Much more of the same today as yesterday, he just doesn't feel good. The doctors tell me this is because his heart took quite a hit on Sunday night and his body just isn't responding well to the hit. The good news is he isn't going down hill but is maintaining, he is stable, he is just not feeling well because he had so much damage on Sunday night to the heart. He slept most of the day again, and even though he only threw up one time, he was nauseous all day long and really didn't eat anything but a tiny bit of jello. He describes it as his body just doesn't feel like it is working right, and that is exactly how he would describe it when he was in Hawaii and before they put the pump in. So hopefully once his heart recovers a little bit from this latest incident he will feel a little bit better. It is just a waiting game right now, and that is hard for all of us.

My brother, Matthew, and Step dad, are going to come up this weekend to see him, he is thrilled by this news. He only wants family by his side, and even at times it is difficult for him to have family around. But it is important that all family members have a few moments with him right now, for all of us to express our love to him and to let him know how important he is to us. Family is what keeps us going and in the end is what really matters the most. Don't get me wrong, friends are very important, and I have some friends that I would classify as family, but family is family.

I am tired tonight, emotionally wrung out. It just breaks my heart to see him in that bed like that, he keeps losing weight and he just doesn't feel good. I know that every night I feel so weak and not sure how I will endure another day of strength, but then in the morning I wake up with a renewed sense of strength that the Lord is providing me with. For some reason he is putting us all through this and it is so hard not to question why, especially when my 19 year old looks up at me and says, "I don't want to live like this anymore", but I know there has got to be a reason behind all of this and I am trying really hard not to give up hope or faith that our gracious God will come through for us in one way or another.