We are having some difficulties over this way, and I have been very closed mouthed about it on the blog because well quite frankly I have been embarrassed. I have felt like maybe I haven't been doing my job right and I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression of David and who he is. But then today a really good friend pointed out to me that I have always been incredibly honest about my feelings on the blog and have never held back so why should I start now. After much prayer I have agreed with her. Because, if no one knows what is going on then no one knows how to pray! So here goes....
David is doing good I guess depending on how you look at it.... he broke a lot of "rules" over the weekend. I didn't say anything then nor now... he had to "fess" up to the doctors and nurses on Monday when they called to check in on him. I am glad he was honest with him, but because of the choices he made, he more then likely won't be getting a weekend pass again. Another problem he is been having now as well as the last 4 weeks is that he is doing nothing to expedite his "rehab" process. All he does is lay in bed, that does not help his body nor his mind, it also doesn't do anything to help him get ready to leave here. This 3 months is supposed to be teaching him how to re live his life and he is choosing not to do that, therefore they may not let him leave in June, he may have to stay into July, which will not be fun for any of us. But the doctors aren't seeing any effort on his part to rehab or practice life style changes. I refuse to nag him about what he should be doing, he knows what he needs to be doing, he is choosing not to do it. At least he is honest with the doctors when they ask. So please pray for him to have a change of heart and to want to rehab his body and life. Right now he is showing no desire to do that, and that has to change.
Physically he is healing fine, but in addition to that he is supposed to be exercising (3 hours a week in Physical Rehab does not count), he is supposed to be practicing and maintaining a good diet ALL the time, he is supposed to be managing his meds and wearing his mask all the time and the right way, he is supposed to be taking his vitals and writing them down every day, he is supposed to be learning how to live life to the fullest because he was given a second chance. He is doing none of what I just mentioned. They gave him the weekend pass in hopes that he would feel the light on the other side and want to start making some serious changes, but instead he made some not good choices over the weekend with food, sleep, meds, and vitals. In addition to that he came back and fell into the same patterns as before proving to the doctors that the weekend pass wasn't a good thing.
He doesn't need anyone else "ragging" on him, I leave that up to the medical professionals. But he does needs prayers for a change of heart and mind, none of us are sure what is going on and why he isn't living life to the fullest with this new heart, but something needs to change and quick. The possibility of us having to stay on longer then June is looking pretty great at this point because of his lack of cooperation, and if any of you know David, this is not like him at all.
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David I know live is hard sometimes but you got another chance. I will pray for you that you will recover comepleatly and quick as possible. But you have to follow the rules. Please make an effort.
ReplyDeleteMom, you havent done anything wrong.. and i hear what you say about not wanting to "nag" him... but just think about when he was growing up.. and he was learning how to live his life, what was right what was wrong... he needed parents and role models to teach him that... he might be an "adult" but he has to LEARN a whole new way of living and he needs guides and role models to help him do that... when he was younger (i get this from comments on here) he was not an easy teenager and had some rough spots... but you and your hubby did not give up on him.. didnt just give up sit back and let him do what he wanted specially if it was going to effect his health and life in a negative way (im pretty sure im right on this)... so now is the same, yeah he is an adult, but just because the law says we are an adult doesnt mean god hands up a handbook on how to handle everything (if he did you would have know exactly how to handle the last few months).. You dont know exactly what is going on but i think you do understand the downfall and negative effect of him not learning this new way of life... make up a schedual.. on that schedual put in exercise time, whether its a walk together, or swimming in the hotel pool (assuming he can do this), if he has a bike at home bringing it down and letting him just coast around on it in the parking lot... you know what the dr says as far as how strenuous he needs to be, so vary it with that. be creative, be safe, maybe there is a nice flat hiking trail in a park around the area that you two can pack up a lunch and go walk it and have a pick knick (or how ever you spell it)... get on his butt about what he needs to do... yes its like toilet training you nag and stay on the child until they make a habbit of going to the bathroom, washing thier hands, brushing thier teeth etc etc... do that for him now.. like i was saying make a schedual.. PRINTED OUT ON THE FRIDGE OR HANGING IN THE BATHROOM.. with each day.. put in whether he will have rehab, or exercize or get out.. .pick one of those for each day.. dont have to do them all in one day.. one morning go for an early walk when its nice, not too hot, and not a lot of people, or go to the pool, and walk around inthe water, do some stretches, whatever, put in the day that he has to go to clinic or rehab, you can make up just one schedual at a time for each week.. .i know different things come up so just a week at a time, and STICK TO IT.. make him get up, yes its ok to unpluggggg the video games, its a fine line he's not a child but he does have to relearn a lot of things that we learn as a child and growing up... if he finds a nice place to go for a walk, and he wants to let him go alone, you know where he is going, and about how long he will be gone, and he has a cell phone.. be his parent and be stern when you need to be, remind him that he isnt suppose to do this or isnt suppose to do that.. he has to learn this new lifestyle, no one can go back and take the heart out of him and put things back like they were.. and no one wants to... we all have taken david into a part of our hearts and hold him dear, and im sure his donor family holds him close forever in their hearts... can he have a dog?? it might be a serious investment in time and money to take him to pick one out (at a humane society pleaseeeee) its a reason to get up in the morning (gotta walk it) gotta walk it a couple times a day, a dog will make him smile (like they did in the hospital), and its something he can bond with and he can help out of its situation for this new chapter of his life...most importantly is will MAKE HIM LAUGH :) the BEST thing for any heart :)
ReplyDeletenow as for david... yea i am right with ya that having a mother nagging at you, and going on a picknick with mommmm is sooo not cool... but we all believe you can do it.. think of something you have been wanting to do or really enjoy.. dirt bikes? races? (*trying to think of guy things since reading and knitting i dont think are your style)... Is there a sea port near by that you can go walk around and get back in touch with that life style that you held so dearly to your heart... you'd be surprised how easily ideas of exercize would come around.. im sure specially now with the flu crap going around they want you away from crowds which makes it all a lil harder, invite your friends down for a weekend and convince your mom to go home and let your friends and you hang out together for the weekend, your close to the hospital, i asume your friends are responsibly enough to make sure you dont do anything stupid, and mayybeee they will help you get into a groove of getting out, and exercizing... i mentioned above about making a schedual for each day of the week, do a week at a time, pick one thing, exercize, get out of the hotel, rehab for each day and stick to it... you like routine, you like having something to do and having to get it done... thanks one reason im guessing you LOVED being in the navy... let your mom be a mother to you... let her annoy you, and bug you and be a pain in your butt... but know that she still loves you with every ounce that is in her and that THAT is why she is being a pain.. she's not perfect, she hasnt been through this before, so give her a break, give yourself a break, you are an "adult" but it can be (admit it or not) helpful to have someone help you learn this new lifestyle... and making her (or anyone) get up and walk with you will help her out of her sad moments, and relieve some of her stress, and get you bothhh back on a track to a " normaller" life...
ok you two.. thoughts and prayers from my church in NH and my co workers at work in CT that are so surprised and happy at how far you have some.. .
hugsss... believe in you david
cassie- i'll be in montana soon to visit hope to hear great things about how you are doing :)
ok just ignore all the spelling mistakes in that post .. giggles
ReplyDeleteBronwyn, it sounds like you are doing a great job of supporting him and trying to let him make the right choices on his own. But (like the comment above stated) while he is a legal adult, he may still need your guidance. Maybe you could work out an excercise schedule that you can do together. That might motivate him more if he has a "partner" to excersize with. Also, where the food choices come in...don't make anything he shouldn't have available. Unfortunately, that's going to impact what you get to eat as well, but isn't it worth it?
ReplyDeleteAnd, while I completely understand you wanting to let him handle this on his own, you are there to aid him in his recovery...and while he may roll his eyes at some gentle reminders from mom, he will in the long run appreciate it if you remind him to take his meds, go to bed, take a walk, etc, in the long run...to make this new heart, this new life the ultimate gift it is!
HUGS!
Hey you don't even need to adopt a dog... volunteer to walk the dogs in the shelter or fostered with a rescue group! Come on David we know you can make your life a postive force! The toughest part is starting!
ReplyDeleteis everything ok? there havent been any blog postings in almost a week... worried
ReplyDeleteCome on Dave, you know what you need to do. You have a whole new life. How cool is that? Please remember how lucky you are, and don't let this wonderful gift you've been given go to waste. I've read about what a positive force you've been in others' lives. Don't you think they still need you???? Praying for you still....
ReplyDelete